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"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they werent included, so I had to buy them again."
Steven WrightIn school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me — Steven Wright
"In school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me "Nobodys perfect," so then I stopped practicing."
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
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Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and film producer. He is known for his distinctive lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
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"[unenthusiastically at the beginning of every show in response to audience applause] "Thanks."
Steven WrightQuote
"I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didnt hear a thing."
Steven WrightQuote
"I bought some powdered water, but I dont know what to add."
Steven WrightQuote
"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, Six should be enough."
Steven WrightQuote
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
Steven Wright