Michael Caine - Robert Spritzel — The Weather Man

"[Thinking, while looking at a womans butt while waiting to cross the street] Man, Id like to put my face in there. Right in there. Tartar sauce. My hips are cold. Tartar sauce. Thats when you know its cold. I like eating pussy. Tartar sauce. A lot of guys dont. Well maybe they do. Maybe thats just black guys. Tartar sauce. What happened to the guy who was trying to fly around the world in a balloon? Did he make it? I should put some espionage or stolen plutonium in my novel. Tartar sauce. Spice it up. Neil Young. Fuck, its cold. Neil Young. Why am I thinking about Neil Young? Neil Diamond. Neil... Theres not a lot of famous Neils. Is this Wednesday? I wish I had two dicks. I thought the whole family was going to learn Spanish together this year. That never really happened. I havent had a Spanish omelette in a long time. Here we go."

"Heres the thing: if you want your father to think youre not a silly fuck, dont slap a guy across the face with a glove, because if you do that, thats what he will think. Unless youre a nobleman or something in the nineteenth century. Which I am not."

"Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. "Easy" doesnt enter into grown-up life."

"I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what Id be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And thats who I am, the weather man."

"Nicholas Hoult - Mike Spritzel"

"Tom Skilling - WGN Assistant Director"