Not here, or here so much... but right here. — Tommy Boy

"[During first day in his Fathers brake pad division] I was just checking the specs on the endline for the...rotary...girder... Im retarded."

"Chris Farley - Thomas R. "Tommy" Callahan III"

"Professor posts final exam results Sorry, pardon me. Can I just check this out? D-plus? Oh, my god. I passed! I passed! Oh, man! I got a D-Plus! hugs a student standing next to him Im going to graduate! I wish wed known each other. This is a little awkward."

"Were you watching Spanktravision? Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian. Oh, whats his name? Buddy...Whack-it?"

"What my associate is trying to say is that, uh, our new brake pads are really cool. Youre not even going to believe it. Like, um, lets say youre driving along the road with your family. And youre driving along la li la. And then, all of the sudden theres a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. Err! Whoa, that was close. Now lets see what happens when youre driving with the other guys brake pads. Youre driving along. Youre driving along and all of the sudden the kids are yelling from the backseat, I got to go to the bathroom, daddy!, Not now, damn it!, truck tire, eeeee, I cant stop!. Help! Theres a cliff! Aah! And your familys screaming Oh my god, were burning alive! No! I cant feel my legs!. In comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, Oh, my god.. New guys in the corner puking his guts out. All because... you want to save a couple of extra pennies. To me, it doesnt..."

"Cow Farmer: Hey! Get off my property!"