"Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet."
Henry Wheeler Shaw, better known by the pen name Josh Billings, was a 19th-century American humorist and lecturer.
"This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked."
Josh Billings"Dont mistake vivacity for wit, thare iz about az mutch difference az thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug."
Josh Billings"As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well."
Josh Billings"A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided—it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again."
Josh Billings"Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it."
Josh Billings"I honestly beleave it iz better tew know nothing than two know what aint so."
Josh Billings