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"I tried to hang myself with bungie cords. I kept almost dying."
Steven WrightWhen I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about e — Steven Wright
"When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything."
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
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Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and film producer. He is known for his distinctive lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
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"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they werent included, so I had to buy them again."
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"I bought some powdered water, but I dont know what to add."
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"I need one of those baby-monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell Im really thinking about."
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"Im addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldnt matter."
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"They say youre not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven... Theyre right."
Steven Wright