(While Dainton is teasing him about a spider) "It could be on your coc — Dirty Sanchez

"How funny is Pancho? Really, really funny."

"(Whilst getting a tattoo on his backside) "My arse has gone like a piece of wobbly jelly."

"(About to get his arse waxed) "Right in the Gary Glitter!"

"(Trying to smash a double glazed window pane with his head) "My head feels like a fucking gypos arse!"

"(Upon Pritchard confuses the word "Water Jungle" with "Rain Forest") "I thought I was thick!"

"(After dislocating his little finger) "This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... this little piggy went to the pub, where I wish Id gone to instead of the back of this van. This little piggy went to the club, with the lovely young mum...Single Mum...dirty mum... and this little piggy doesnt know what the fuck is going on!"