Death to Smoochy

"Even when youre squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud."

"[to a baby, after framing Sheldon] Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhinos a Nazi!"

"You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because Im not gonna sleep until worms are crawling right up your foamy rubber ass! Im going on a safari, motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I! [makes an elephant noise]"

"[after getting egged] Ive been shot! Im bleeding! Salmonella! Youre a lawyer! Thats salmonella!"

"[after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen] All right, you spudsucking fucks! Im suing your Riverdance ass! [heavy Irish accent] Im gonna send you all the way back home, eh?!"

"[to Sheldon] Do not start with your magicians tricks, young Moses! I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave...and this is my kingdom! [starts singing to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm] Rainbow Randolph is the man; Yes, oh, yes, he is! Hes the king of Rainbowland; Yes, oh, yes, he is! With some fun, fun here and a laugh, laugh there, Here a dance, there a song; everything is fun, fun! Rainbow Randolph is the King [stars to cry] La, la, la, la...[covers his face]"

"[singing] He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dads not mean, hes just adjusting."

"When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."

"[singing] Where can you go when skies turn grey? Where the sun always shines and the animals play? Where every day is a happy day? Well, Smoochys here to show the way!"

"Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasnt about the bells and whistles and the ricketa-racketa; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus."

"Now Im not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someones gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and poke either of you."

"[Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph] What are you, blind? Its a cock! Its not a rocket, you dumb fuck! Its a cock! Look. Its a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! Its a big stiffy! Yeah, its a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Dont you see that? Its Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. Its made from dil-dough."