L.A. Story

"Why is it that we dont always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?"

"I could never be a woman, cause Id just stay home and play with my breasts all day."

"Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, "Hey... life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much." Of course Im paraphrasing: "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

"Ive been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person thats worth you staying for. First of all, Im a man who can cry. Now its true, its usually when Ive hurt myself, but its a start."

"Maitre D: You think with a financial statement like this you can have the duck?"

"Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher"

"Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didnt know it because I was so happy all the time."

"[calling the restaurant] Hello, LIdiot? Yes, Id like to make reservations for two for Friday. Saturday? Sunday? Ah good. Eight-thirty. Five-thirty or ten-thirty? Um, five-thirty. Visa... Im a weatherman... yes, Im on TV! Renting... I just sold a condo... yes, in this "soft market"... well, I dont see how thats any of your... the low fifties."

"Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel"

"Richard E. Grant - Roland Mackey"

"Forget for this moment the smog and the cars and the restaurant and the skating and remember only this. A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true."

"[Admiring a painting] I like the relationships. I mean, each character has his own story. The puppy is a bit too much, but you have to over look things like that in these kinds of paintings. The way hes holding her... its almost... filthy. I mean, hes about to kiss her and shes pulling away. The way the legs sort of smashed up against her... Phew... Look how hes painted the blouse sort of translucent. You can just make out her breasts underneath and its sort of touching him about here. Its really... pretty torrid, dont you think? Then of course you have the onlookers peeking at them from behind the doorway like theyre all shocked. They wish. Yeah, I must admit, when I see a painting like this, I get emotionally... erect. [[the painting is revealed to be of a red rectangle]"