Major League

"In case you havent noticed, and judging by the attendance you havent, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar."

"[about to find out whether hes made the team] Come on Jake. Its only your life."

"[to Rexman] Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, you guys trailing by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television–if you dont blow it. By the way, I saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You must be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? Oh, Im sure hes a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexy I dont think this ones got the distance."

"Second base... [underthrows second baseman] shit."

"[He tries to throw a runner out, talking to himself] Dont bounce the damn ball...[Overthrows the second baseman] Nice throw, dickhead."

"[preparing for Vaughns first pitch to Heywood. Vaughn shakes off the breaking pitches, until Taylor finally signals for a fastball, which Vaughn nods at] Alright, Ricky. Lets get nasty."

"[in Mexico, upon receiving a phone call asking him to report to Cleveland Indians spring training] ... is that you, Tolbert?! This isnt very funny, you know. Im hung over! My knees are killin me and if youre going to pull this shit at least you couldve said you were from the Yankees!"

"[sliding into home plate in a tux] The American Express Card. Dont steal home without it."

"[to Heywood when he swings and misses on Vaughns 97 MPH fastball] Sucker was moving, wasnt it? If itd hit you, itd leave a 2-foot hole coming out."

"Vaughn into the windup for his first offering... [ball thrown several feet off the plate] Just a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

"Dont you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display."

"Just a reminder fans about Die Hard Night coming up here in the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant. [35 years prior.]"