National Lampoon's Van Wilder

"Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks."

"All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story."

"Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk I think giant jugs. You see, I can not go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. [Van Wilder spits out his water] To-to-to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby, you know? And get it waxed. You know, I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. You know, air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder."

"Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy..."

"Dont take life too seriously, youll never get out alive."

"And thus, Topless Tutors was born."

"Id like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongatas."

"Dont be a fool, wrap your tool."

"If youre going for an advanced degree in partying...Why graduate?"

"No party gets started until it gets wilder."

"Kal Penn — Taj Mahal Badalandabad"

"Tim Matheson — Vance Wilder Sr."