Robb Wilton
Robb Wilton
Robert Wilton Smith, better known as Robb Wilton, was an English comedian and actor. He was best known for his filmed monologues during the 1930s and 1940s, in which he played incompetent authority figures. His trademark was to put his hand over part of his face at the punchline.
"He said "Ill punch your head!" I said "Whose?" He said "Yours!" I said "Mine?" He said "Yes!" I said "Oh?" He said "Want a fight?" I said "Who?" He said "You!" I said "Me?" He said "Yes!" I said "No!" So we then came to words, he said "Youre a cad!" I said "Cad?" He said "Yes!" I said "Who?" He said "Who?" I said "Yes." He said "You!" I said "Oh!" So of course then I knew."
"The day war broke out, my Missus said to me – she looked at me and she said, "What good are you?"
"Woman: Do come along quick, theres a house on fire. Fire Chief: A house on fire? Just a moment, lady – whats the address? Woman: Grimshaw Street. Fire Chief: Grimshaw Street – Grimshaw … now wait a minute, I know it as well as can be, and I just cant place it. Woman: Oh come along, its only just round... Fire Chief: No, no, no – dont tell me, let me try and think of it for myself. Grimshaw St–... oh, isnt that annoying, I could walk straight to it, and I cant think of it."
"Well," she said, "All the young fellasll be getting called up and youll have to go back to work!" Ooh – shes got a cruel tongue!"
"She said,"What are you supposed to do?" I said, "Im supposed to stop Hitlers army landing." She said, "What! – you?" I said, "No – theres Charlie Evans, Dick Roberts...I said, "Theres seven or eight of us, altogether." I said, "Were in a group." I said, "Were on guard in a little hut behind the Dog and Pullet." She said, "Whats the good of being in a little hut behind the Dog and Pullet?" She said, "I suppose that was your idea!" I said, "Aye, and that Charlie Evans wants to claim it as his!"
"She said, "Do you know this Hitler? Have you ever met him?" I said, "Do I – of course I dont!" She said, "Well how are you going to know which is him if they do land?" I said, "Well, Ive got a tongue in my head, havent I?"
