The 40-Year-Old Virgin

"Is it true that if you dont use it, you lose it?"

"Im a virgin. I always have been."

"This is hogshit. Youre a fucking asshole to tell me to come here and tell me he was a nice guy didnt you? Well, fuck you people, fuck you, you, you, and you, [points at Andy, Cal and Jay] fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass! Okay!"

"Tell me, when your son is born, is he already on parole?"

"The Longer You Wait The Harder It Gets"

"Kevin Hart - Smart Tech Customer"

"[Response to Jays girlfriends sonogram video everyone watches in the store] It looks like a Poltergeist."

"[David and Andy are talking about relationships] Of course its horrible. Its suffering...and its pain, and its...you know, you lose weight, and then you put back on weight, and then you call them a bunch of times, and you try and email, and then they move or they change their email...but thats just love."

"Youre making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named "Pussalia", and what youre doing is that youre psyching yourself into thinking that its some impossible feat."

"[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Todays forecast: dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by."

"I hope you have a big trunk, cause Im putting my bike in it."

"Ive borked a lot of women in my day."