The Thief and the Cobbler

"Princess Yum-Yum: Who is this? Zigzag: O Greatest King of all the Earth, this low-born [uses cane to stop Tack from walking off] cobbler of no worth attacked me in the square today. Shall we take his head away? King Nod: [wakes up] What? No. Yes, Zigzag, if you really think so. Princess Yum-Yum: But what has he done? Zigzag: [takes a tack from Tacks mouth] Attacked me! Princess Yum-Yum: [skeptical] Really? Zigzag: [hisses] Yes!"

"Mighty One-Eye: [Zigzag presents himself before the One-Eye] Sorcerer? Zigzag: I conjure demons, and charm beasts! And birds of prey, too! Phido! Phido the Vulture: [makes Phido jump through hoops] AWWK! Zigzag: But as you see, thats not all I can do! Haha! Hee-hee! I have power over people, though they may appear complex. For me... they fall like playing cards... and I control the decks! [brandishes deck of cards, but they slip and fall] Zigzag: Ah! Eh-heh! Ho ho! Ah! Hee-hee! But all this is nothing, for now in my hand is the very key to the Golden Land! for no man can take it, no matter how great, unless he possesses these three balls... [presents balls] OF FATE! Mighty One-Eye: You say you can charm beasts? [laughs to himself, then Zigzag laughs to himself, too] THROW HIM TO THE ALLIGATORS! [The One-Eyes men take Zig-Zag to the alligator pit; Phido watches from afar snickering to himself]"

"-Princess Yum-Yums Nanny: Your baths ready! The waters getting cold! Princess, hes a Cobbler! Keep your eyes on your work, Cobbler! Tack the Cobbler: Y-yes, maam. [after Princess Yum-Yum and Princess Yum-Yums Nanny leaves] Nothing wrong with being a Cobbler. [sighs] Why cant I ever talk when it matters?"

"[the Thief is on hanging onto a pole, stealing the golden balls] Youre gonna buy me a castle by the sea. [as he takes the second ball] Hmm. And youre gonna buy me everything I need to turn a basement into a rec room. [as he takes the last ball] And with you...I tell you sweet heart, Im going to Disneyland."

"[a reference to the Night on Bald Mountain segment in Fantasia] Here goes nothin. [the Night on Bald Mountain plays in the background; the Thief is holding palm leaves as wings, and then jumps off the cliff and flaps his arms] Im flyin! Im flyin Im flyin! [falls into the bushes]"

"The camp of the One-Eyes... how very nice! Perhaps theyll be willing to pay my price! Ill have those barbarians kissing my feet! [to Phido who squawks begging for food] And maybe, well find you something to eat... eh, Phido? [The One-Eyes soldiers appear, putting their spears at his throat] Gentlemen, gentlemen, what a delight to meet you all here on such a fine night."

"Dying Soldier: [approaching King Nod] One...[stretching down his left lower eyelid] Eye... Zigzag:[squinting each of his eyes at a time in puzzlement] One eye? Dying Soldier: Is...coming! Princess Yum-Yum: [squinting her left eye in puzzlement] One eye? Princess Yum-Yums Nanny: [adjusting her spectacles in puzzlement] Eye? King Nod: [gasping in horror] One-Eye! Aah! The dream! The nightmare! [Then rushes to the balcony as the dying soldier drops dead. His face turns pale as he gazes outside and finds the minaret bare] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE BALLS ARE GONE! My kingdom will come to destruction and DEATH!"

"King Nod: [speaking on the returning of the Golden Balls] Ill give you anything, Zigzag! Just do it! Zigzag: [face resembles skull] As my peril will be dire, you must grant my hearts desire! King Nod: Which is? Zigzag: I require, sire, your daughter Yum-Yum... [whispers] to wed. King Nod: [furious] You want my daughter? [gets up] NEVER! Zigzag: Never? King Nod: NEVER! EVER! [Zigzag chuckling] GET OUT! OOOOOOOUUUUT! Zigzag: Well, I just thought Id ask. [exits] Well see who wins at the end of the day! Well see who ends up grieving! Ill go to the One-Eyes right away! Im taking my balls and leaving!"

"King Nod: If only I had a son... Princess Yum-Yum: A son? Nonsense! Where do I find this witch? King Nod: The desert at the... What?! You?! Never, much too dangerous! Princess Yum-Yum: Father, Im smarter than any man in the city, and faster than any of your clumsy... henchmen. King Nod: But youre so young, so, so... Princess Yum-Yum: So anxious, so excited, so ready to make you proud! You must trust me, Father. There is no one else."

"[As ZigZag is showing his powers to King One-Eye] ZigZag: I conjure demons, charm beasts,[creates a hoop of fire] and birds of prey, too. Phido! [pulls on Phidos leash] Phido: Cmon, boss! I need a rehearsal here! [jumps through the hoop, his tail feathers are set on fire] Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids!"

"[first lines] It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts that the world which we see is an outward and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality. Once upon a time, there was a golden city. In the center of this golden city, atop the tallest minaret were three gold balls. The ancients had prophesied that if the three golden balls were ever taken away, harmony would yield to discord, and the city would fall to destruction... and death! But the mystics had also foretold that the city might be saved by the simplest soul with the smallest and simplest of things. In the city, there dwelt a lowly shoemaker who was known as Tack the cobbler. [Tack is shown asleep] Also in the city, existed a thief... who shall be nameless. [the Thief is shown sneaking about]"