Ambrose Bierce

The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.

The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.

The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen. "I did not know that I was a virtue," she said. "Why did you not choose Innocence?" "Because of her ignorance," they replied. "She knows nothing but that she is a virtue."

A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.

"There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must."

O proud philanthropist, your hope is vain To get by giving what you lost by gain.

If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.

To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.