[after he barely gets back in bed, and his parents leave the room] Yep — Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Life moves pretty fast. If you dont stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasnt bullshit. Its on European socialism. I mean really, whats the point. Im not European. I dont plan on being European, so who gives a crap if theyre socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still doesnt change the fact that I dont own a car."

"Its not that I condone fascism or any ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: I dont believe in Beatles. I just believe in me. A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. Id still have to bum rides off of people."

"If anybody needs a day off its Cameron. Hes got a lotta things to sort out before he graduates. He cant be wound up this tight and go to college. His roommatell kill him. Pardon my French, but Cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in 2 weeks, youd have a diamond."

"Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobodys ever been in love with him. If things dont change for him, hes gonna marry the first girl he lays, and shes gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She wont respect him, cause you cant respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesnt work."

"[last line; in post-credits scene] [to home audience; after emerging from his bedroom] Youre still here? Its over. Go home. [walks back to his bedroom; shoos audience away] Go."

"[after his parents have left, thinking he is ill] They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. Its getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, Im probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so Id better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. Its a good non-specific symptom. Im a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctors office. Thats worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when youre bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. Its a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school."

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

"we are engaged in a grim experiment never before attempted. We are subjecting whole populations to exposure to chemicals which animal experiments have proved to be extremely poisonous and in many cases cumulative in their effect. These exposures now begin at or before birth and-unless we change our methods-will continue through the lifetime of those now living. No one knows what the result will be, because we have no previous experience to guide us."

"pity this busy monster, manunkind, not. Progress is a comfortable disease: your victim (death and life safely beyond) plays with the bigness of his littleness"

"I believe that the unity of man as opposed to other living things derives from the fact that man is the conscious life of himself. Man is conscious of himself, of his future, which is death, of his smallness, of his impotence; he is aware of others as others; man is in nature, subject to its laws even if he transcends it with his thought."

"“We need brains, is the bottom line,” Ivy said. “We’re not hunter-gatherers anymore. We’re all living like patients in the intensive care unit of a hospital. What keeps us alive isn’t bravery, or athleticism, or any of those other skills that were valuable in a caveman society. It’s our ability to master complex technological skills. It is our ability to be nerds. We need to breed nerds.”"

"I have been clinically depressed for most of my life. I once used drugs to fix it. Then I stopped. I stopped because I decided they were making me stupid, and Id rather be miserable than stupid. I am what I am."