Gary Burghoff as Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" OReilly — M*A*S*H (film)

"Its a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise theyd get rid of you quick."

"[to Major Margaret Houlihan] Oh, come off it, Major! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? Im going to go back to my bed, Im going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch . . . and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me, and you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean, youre what we call a regular army clown."

"[Trying to convince Lt. Dish to sleep with Painless.] You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human beings life by a tender act of mercy."

"Lets give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic."

"Baby were gonna see some stitching like you never saw before."

"Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?"