[On death & euthanasia] I think its funny how, that if I want to die w — David Cross

"So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didnt pray hard enough... Its their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we couldve avoided all of this. I think its time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice."

"I really dont have a problem with gay marriage... because Im tolerant and rational."

"If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine."

"[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! Youre gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]"

"I dont remember ordering the Christian sandwich..."

"I thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. Youd think theyd be worried about something important. Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and were in an unfounded war... But no- Fuck that! That niggers stealing some potato chips!"

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

"we are engaged in a grim experiment never before attempted. We are subjecting whole populations to exposure to chemicals which animal experiments have proved to be extremely poisonous and in many cases cumulative in their effect. These exposures now begin at or before birth and-unless we change our methods-will continue through the lifetime of those now living. No one knows what the result will be, because we have no previous experience to guide us."

"pity this busy monster, manunkind, not. Progress is a comfortable disease: your victim (death and life safely beyond) plays with the bigness of his littleness"

"I believe that the unity of man as opposed to other living things derives from the fact that man is the conscious life of himself. Man is conscious of himself, of his future, which is death, of his smallness, of his impotence; he is aware of others as others; man is in nature, subject to its laws even if he transcends it with his thought."

"“We need brains, is the bottom line,” Ivy said. “We’re not hunter-gatherers anymore. We’re all living like patients in the intensive care unit of a hospital. What keeps us alive isn’t bravery, or athleticism, or any of those other skills that were valuable in a caveman society. It’s our ability to master complex technological skills. It is our ability to be nerds. We need to breed nerds.”"

"I have been clinically depressed for most of my life. I once used drugs to fix it. Then I stopped. I stopped because I decided they were making me stupid, and Id rather be miserable than stupid. I am what I am."