There is one language I cant understand, because its from another plan — Bill Bailey

"At parties, sometimes, for a laugh, I introduce myself - people say What do you do? and I say Im Aled Jones, its all gone wrong for me. No, look, Ive still got it! (drunken bawl) IM WALKING THROUGH THE AIIIIIIR, HAAAAAAHAHAHA. Ch. 19, 32:55"

"The national [Welsh] dish, cheese on toast, thats fantastic. "Thats no bother". "Were having a big ambassadorial reception." "All right, Ill get the grill on shall I? You want a bit of chutney on it?" "No, dont go mad Rhodri, its only Fiji." I think though that it has actually hampered Waless cultural diversity, because if you think of the other national dishes, like Ireland - Irish stew, bubbling away for hours on end, during which time poems are written, plays are written, fine linen is crafted, the whimsy is spun; Scotland, you have haggis, many many days it takes to pulverise the eyes, lips and all the toes, every [part] of the animal, the hooves, the shirt, the trousers, the abbatoir workers laundry, everything goes in there, and its bubbling away for days on end under the ground in the lung of a small burrowing animal, during which time electric light is invented, penicillin, a fine legal structure, those little things you lick, press down and they ping back up, Oh, I forgot about them, oh yeah; England, roast beef, roasting away for days on end, during which time poor, defenceless countries around the world are brought under the relentless yoke of imperial oppression; Wales, cheese on toast, "Right...oh, its ready. Shit." Ch. 9, 17:43"

"Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I dont actually think thats the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote my brain is melting ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to."

"BB: Are there any men in? (no response) BB: Any women? Female voices: Yes! BB: Ah, you see, theres this crisis in masculine identity at the moment. Women, totally at home with their sexuality. I am woman, wo-man, I, wo-MAN. Men Er.. (awkward expression) Someone elsell shout out, Ill be alright. Alright, is there any blokes in? Masculine voices: Yeah! BB: You see, theres a term that men feel more comfortable with. Bloke, blokey bloke bloke. Its a kind of friendly term. Oh, hes a bloke, lovely bloke, nice bloke, blokey bloke. Im a bloke, youre a bloke, wahey! It doesnt impose any unnecessary demands on us as men. Bloke, thats just basically carry stuff, dont get in the way. Man, thats all kinds of other things, isnt it? Thats nobility, gallantry, wisdom... that conjures up some image of a bloke in a cardigan with a pipe saying Cover up those table legs, mother, theyre inflaming my sexual ardour. Ch. 24, 53:21"

"Marijuana? Its harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it. Beards (track 12) 5:29"

"Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesnt matter. Could have been fifteen, twenty - fifty. Round it up. Hundred. Lets go mad, eh - two-fifty. Tell you what, double it up - five hundred. Thousand! Oh, Ive gone mad! Two thousand! Five thousand! (adopting auctioneer persona) Anyone? Five thousand, six thou, six thousand, ten thousand! Small town in Hertfordshire goes into a pub! Fifteen thousand blokes! Alright, lets go - population of Rotterdam. The Hague. Whole of Northern Holland. Mainland U.K. Lets go all the way to the top - Europe, alright? Whole of Europe goes - I say Europe. Could be Eurasia. Not the band, obviously, thats just two of them. Alright, continents - North America! Plus South America! Plus Antartica - thats just eight blokes in a weather station. Not a good example. Alright, make it a lot simpler, all the blokes on the planet go into the pub, right? And the first bloke goes up to the bar and he says "Ill get these in." What an idiot!"

"As long as you keep getting born, it’s okay to die sometimes."

"The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum - even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives people the sense that theres free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of the debate."

"History is a strange experience. The world is quite small now; but history is large and deep. Sometimes you can go much farther by sitting in your own home and reading a book of history, than by getting onto a ship or an airplane and traveling a thousand miles. When you go to Mexico City through space, you find it a sort of cross between modern Madrid and modern Chicago, with additions of its own; but if you go to Mexico City through history, back only 500 years, you will find it as distant as though it were on another planet: inhabited by cultivated barbarians, sensitive and cruel, highly organized and still in the Copper Age, a collection of startling, of unbelievable contrasts."

"As soon as a thought or word becomes a tool, one can dispense with actually ‘thinking’ it, that is, with going through the logical acts involved in verbal formulation of it. As has been pointed out, often and correctly, the advantage of mathematics—the model of all neo-positivistic thinking—lies in just this ‘intellectual economy.’ Complicated logical operations are carried out without actual performance of the intellectual acts upon which the mathematical and logical symbols are based. … Reason … becomes a fetish, a magic entity that is accepted rather than intellectually experienced."

"Our feminist culture at the present moment is completely dependent on capitalism. My grandmother was still scrubbing clothes on the back porch on a washboard!"

"A word of the faith that never balks, Here or henceforward it is all the same to me, I accept Time absolutely. It alone is without flaw, it alone rounds and completes all, That mystic baffling wonder alone completes all. (23)"