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"Im actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having another man around the house..."
Daniel ToshYou should never eat when youre on the toilet. "But Im lactose-intoler — Daniel Tosh
"You should never eat when youre on the toilet. "But Im lactose-intolerant, and Ive always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" Thats more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream."
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and producer. After graduating from the University of Central Florida with a degree in marketing, Tosh moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in comedy. His career accelerated in 2001 after a performance on the Late Show with David Letterman. He went on to appear in other national shows, leading to his own 30-minute special on Comedy Central Pre
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"Sometimes, when Im feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least Im not pregnant."
Daniel ToshQuote
"I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, Im gonna be pissed."
Daniel ToshQuote
"Im all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fake... We have shows like Extreme Make-Over. "I dont want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now Im happy, or at least I look like it."
Daniel ToshQuote
"Before I get started tonight, sorry in advance if I offend anyone. Its not my job to know what your personal line of decency is. I cross my own from time to time. Its how I know I still have one."
Daniel ToshQuote
"Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. Id be like, "Hey, so I guess Ill see you later," and hes like, "Whatever, queer."
Daniel Tosh