You would think that cops would occasionally shoot a white kid, just t — Chris Rock

"But the question remains the same: Can white people say "nigger"? And the answers the same: not really. But wait a minute, theres one exception. Theres one exception. Theres one instance where white people can say nigger. And Ima let it out tonight. Ima let it out here in Johannesburg. The one time that white people can say nigger. White people are like "this is what I paid for! Its a fuckin great night now!" The one time white people can say nigger: here it goes; listen closely. Cause I may never say this shit again. The one time white people can say nigger, OK: if its Christmas Eve, and its between 4:30 and 4:49 in the morning. If you white, and youre on your way to Toys R Us to get your kid the last Transformer doll, and right before you walk into Toys R Us, some black person runs up beside you, smacks you in the head with a brick, knocks you to the ground, stomps on your face--"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker!" Riverdances on your head--"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker!" Takes your money, pisses on you, and runs away--if you white, at that moment, you can say "Somebody stop that nigger!" Matter of fact, if you white and that happens to you, you can say nigger for a whole month! But you gotta walk around with the police report in your pocket. In case any black people catch you sayin nigger, the police report will act as your freedom papers. "Hey, I heard you saying nigger; let me see your fuckin papers. Gimme the papers; show me the papers!" [pretends to read a sheet] "Christmas Eve! 4:48! You just made it, motherfucker! Pissed on you! ...I hope they catch that nigger!"

"A black C student cant do shit with his life. A black C student cant be a manager at Burger King. Meanwhile, a white C student just happens to be the President of the United States."

"Do you know what the good side of crack is? If youre up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95."

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasnt even the star of his own Halloween special."

"I hope that Live Earth ends global warming the same way the Live Aid ended world poverty."

"The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like theyre not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If youd done that in the movie, youd have won an Oscar, girl."

"Today, you are hated throughout the world. If you dont know this, you should. The peoples burn your flag. The Islamic peoples all over the world chant: "Death to America!"

"pity this busy monster, manunkind, not. Progress is a comfortable disease: your victim (death and life safely beyond) plays with the bigness of his littleness"

"I believe that the unity of man as opposed to other living things derives from the fact that man is the conscious life of himself. Man is conscious of himself, of his future, which is death, of his smallness, of his impotence; he is aware of others as others; man is in nature, subject to its laws even if he transcends it with his thought."

"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon..."

"I wasnt offended by the movies content so much as by its nihilism. At a time when the world is in crisis and the country faces an important election, the response of Parker, Stone and company is to sneer at both sides—indeed, at anyone who takes the current world situation seriously. They may be right that some of us are puppets, but theyre wrong that all of us are fools, and dead wrong that it doesnt matter."

"I will re-calculate. Your deaths will be indescribable."