Scott Adams
Scott Adams
Scott Adams was an American cartoonist, author, and conservative commentator. He was best known for the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and nonfiction works of business, self-improvement, commentary, and satire.
"Creativity doesnt require much time. But creativity always needs your energy. You cant create if youre pooped or your brain is full of junk. A person who manages creativity makes sure his schedule has lots of free spaces, no matter how many priorities are looming."
"If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition."
"The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. Its just easier this way for everyone. You dont argue with a four-year old about why he shouldnt eat candy for dinner. You dont punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you dont argue when a women tells you shes only making 80 cents to your dollar. Its the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles."
"If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you."
"Stacey puts a little love in each pasta shell. But it’s self-love, so it won’t help you that much."
"But history has turned on a few people—like the Founding Fathers and Jesus Christ come to mind—who used the same tricks: They describe to people a better vision of themselves. And Trump fits into that [model] in the most direct way you could possibly do. He’s saying, "Youre an American, Im going to make you feel great"."
"This sandwich used to include endive, but no one wanted to eat a BELT."
"The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal while the natural instincts of women are mostly legal and acceptable. In other words, men are born as round pegs in a society full of square holes. Whose fault is that? Do you blame the baby who didnt ask to be born male? Or do you blame the society that brought him into the world, all round-pegged and turgid, and said, "Heres your square hole"? The way society is organized at the moment, we have no choice but to blame men for bad behavior. If we allowed men to act like unrestrained horny animals, all hell would break loose. All Im saying is that society has evolved to keep males in a state of continuous unfulfilled urges, more commonly known as unhappiness."
"Years later, when "Dilbert" was in thousands of newspapers, people often asked me if I ever imagined being so lucky. I usually said no, because thats the answer people expected. The truth is that I imagined every bit of good fortune that has come my way. But in my imagination I also invented a belt that would allow me to fly and had special permission from Congress to urinate like a bird wherever I wanted. I wake up every morning disappointed that I have to wear pants and walk. Imagination has a way of breeding disappointment."
"Theres a special word for bosses who care about their employees: unemployed. The whole point of being a boss is to get employees to do more work than they want to do and to accept less pay than they deserve. If a boss starts caring about employees, it screws up the whole oppressor-victim dynamic of capitalism."
"If your debate partner leaves the realm of fact and reason for any of the diversions I mentioned, you just won the debate. Declare victory and bow out."
"We know the goats are imported because they don’t speak English."
