"But we wont have any genetically modified food, oooh no, we wont have any GM. Which is a shame, I think weve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is thats forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so its a bit of a long shot."
Mark Robert "Bill" Bailey MBE is an English musician, comedian, actor and television presenter. He is known for his role as Manny in the sitcom Black Books (2000–2004), and for his regular appearances on the panel shows Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI, as well as for his stand-up comedy work. He plays a variety of musical instruments and incorporates music into his perfor
"At parties, sometimes, for a laugh, I introduce myself - people say What do you do? and I say Im Aled Jones, its all gone wrong for me. No, look, Ive still got it! (drunken bawl) IM WALKING THROUGH THE AIIIIIIR, HAAAAAAHAHAHA. Ch. 19, 32:55"
"The national [Welsh] dish, cheese on toast, thats fantastic. "Thats no bother". "Were having a big ambassadorial reception." "All right, Ill get the grill on shall I? You want a bit of chutney on it?" "No, dont go mad Rhodri, its only Fiji." I think though that it has actually hampered Waless cultural diversity, because if you think of the other national dishes, like Ireland - Irish stew, bubbling away for hours on end, during which time poems are written, plays are written, fine linen is crafted, the whimsy is spun; Scotland, you have haggis, many many days it takes to pulverise the eyes, lips and all the toes, every [part] of the animal, the hooves, the shirt, the trousers, the abbatoir workers laundry, everything goes in there, and its bubbling away for days on end under the ground in the lung of a small burrowing animal, during which time electric light is invented, penicillin, a fine legal structure, those little things you lick, press down and they ping back up, Oh, I forgot about them, oh yeah; England, roast beef, roasting away for days on end, during which time poor, defenceless countries around the world are brought under the relentless yoke of imperial oppression; Wales, cheese on toast, "Right...oh, its ready. Shit." Ch. 9, 17:43"
"Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I dont actually think thats the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote my brain is melting ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to."
"BB: Are there any men in? (no response) BB: Any women? Female voices: Yes! BB: Ah, you see, theres this crisis in masculine identity at the moment. Women, totally at home with their sexuality. I am woman, wo-man, I, wo-MAN. Men Er.. (awkward expression) Someone elsell shout out, Ill be alright. Alright, is there any blokes in? Masculine voices: Yeah! BB: You see, theres a term that men feel more comfortable with. Bloke, blokey bloke bloke. Its a kind of friendly term. Oh, hes a bloke, lovely bloke, nice bloke, blokey bloke. Im a bloke, youre a bloke, wahey! It doesnt impose any unnecessary demands on us as men. Bloke, thats just basically carry stuff, dont get in the way. Man, thats all kinds of other things, isnt it? Thats nobility, gallantry, wisdom... that conjures up some image of a bloke in a cardigan with a pipe saying Cover up those table legs, mother, theyre inflaming my sexual ardour. Ch. 24, 53:21"
"Marijuana? Its harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it. Beards (track 12) 5:29"
"Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesnt matter. Could have been fifteen, twenty - fifty. Round it up. Hundred. Lets go mad, eh - two-fifty. Tell you what, double it up - five hundred. Thousand! Oh, Ive gone mad! Two thousand! Five thousand! (adopting auctioneer persona) Anyone? Five thousand, six thou, six thousand, ten thousand! Small town in Hertfordshire goes into a pub! Fifteen thousand blokes! Alright, lets go - population of Rotterdam. The Hague. Whole of Northern Holland. Mainland U.K. Lets go all the way to the top - Europe, alright? Whole of Europe goes - I say Europe. Could be Eurasia. Not the band, obviously, thats just two of them. Alright, continents - North America! Plus South America! Plus Antartica - thats just eight blokes in a weather station. Not a good example. Alright, make it a lot simpler, all the blokes on the planet go into the pub, right? And the first bloke goes up to the bar and he says "Ill get these in." What an idiot!"
"How seldom, Friend! a good great man inherits Honour or wealth, with all his worth and pains! It sounds like stories from the land of spirits, If any man obtain that which he merits, Or any merit that which he obtains.   . For shame, dear Friend! renounce this canting strain! … Greatness and goodness are not means, but ends! Hath he not always treasures, always friends, The good great man? Three treasures, and , And , regular as infants breath; And three firm friends, more sure than day and night, , his , and the Angel ."
Samuel Taylor Coleridge"He who loves is not ashamed before men of what he does for God, neither does he hide it through shame though the whole world should condemn it."
"Shamino: (when the player clicks repeatedly on a cat) Bloody cats!"
"A cloud was on the mind of men, and wailing went the weather, Yea, a sick cloud upon the soul when we were boys together. Science announced nonentity and art admired decay; The world was old and ended: but you and I were gay; Round us in antic order their crippled vices came — Lust that had lost its laughter, fear that had lost its shame."
"And then it happened. Suddenly, shamelessly, and without warning, as it must in all musical comedies, they were struck by... a love song."
"Prisoner in Castle British dungeon: "Shamino, speak up man!"