Quote
"In school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me "Nobodys perfect," so then I stopped practicing."
Steven WrightI have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. [sighs] Its a start.. — Steven Wright
"I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. [sighs] Its a start..."
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
author25 quotes
Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and film producer. He is known for his distinctive lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
More by Steven Wright
View all →Steven WrightQuote
"[unenthusiastically at the beginning of every show in response to audience applause] "Thanks."
Steven WrightQuote
"I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didnt hear a thing."
Steven WrightQuote
"I bought some powdered water, but I dont know what to add."
Steven WrightQuote
"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, Six should be enough."
Steven WrightQuote
"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they werent included, so I had to buy them again."
Steven Wright